Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Make haste Green Guide, publish my letter!

Hurry Green Guide, there's no time to lose, you must contact the television network I'm criticising and let them know of my qualm tout de suite! Make haste for god's sake, the nice people at Channel 9 will be eager to heed the advice of their most loyal viewer. 

Yes, yes, you read that correctly, Matilda wrote a letter to The Age's Green Guide requesting that Channel 9 show Skippy after midnight again. Finally someone's taken long-overdue action on this issue.

While this is a very great example, letters to the Green Guide are always hilarious; it takes considerable effort and commitment to express an opinion in no more than 75 words and send it into the paper with a name, address and contact details and all this effort goes towards publishing a view about TV programming... 

Letters to the Green Guide are always variations on these themes-
a gripe about programming;
a bitch about how bad a show is;
a complaint about the timbre of a news reader's voice;
or a bizarre, irrelevant waffle written by an old person about how society has evolved for the worst.

I've shared two of my Green Guide letters as a tribute to my favourite section of The Age:

Crownies Suitable for Nocturnal Animals Only
The ABC is doing a grave disservice to those of us who love legal-based drama but who also value a civilised bed time by showing Crownies at 9:30pm! I for one refuse to force myself awake past 9:30pm and do not believe I should have to. News flash ABC, I actually care about my responsibilities the following Friday morning and do not think I should have to sacrifice sleep in order to enjoy my favourite program. Would the ABC have me take some sort of stimulant such as Speed in order to stay up late enough to enjoy its programming? It certainly seems that way. Jon Faine, if you really care about the integrity of your employer, then you know what you must do. Take a stand on this Jon and go on strike until the television department sorts its outrageous programming schedule out. We must fight this great injustice just as the impressive young characters of Crownies defend what is right in the eyes of the law.
A B seething,
Pamela, Canterbury

I Hate Television Sets, Motorcars and The Pictures
I wonder if anyone cares that when I was young there were no television sets. We used to tell stories by playing with hand shadow puppets on the kitchen wall. Such moving dramas we created. I could make my hand perform as a very convincing rabbit called 'Fanny Flopsy'. How we would laugh and enjoy this wholesome, nuclear family time. Dried ginger covered in sugar. Oh sorry, ignore that, I started to write my shopping list. Such hysterics the shadow stories would provoke. Goodness me, now that I've set myself off I may not finish laughing about some of the cheeky shadow characters we created for several days. If I still have the giggles tomorrow evening I'll have to call Martha, who is hosting Bridge, and tell her I'm too sick to come. She has a cold of course, so she might cancel anyway. 
Shame on you all television networks for deterring the young ones from shadow play.
Harold, Monee Ponds.

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