We are at the end of the holiday season and at this time of year it is important to gain a little perspective on things when a new year beckons. This proves difficult when you looked under the Christmas tree and realised that your nephew has 3 times your body weight in presents while your haul is about as heavy as a burnt ear. You ask yourself “what has he done to deserve so many presents?” and the answer is, he is not fully developed and this is apparently adorable. You try and argue that he does things that anyone over the age of 5 would be derided for, he shits himself, struggles to articulate the letter C and spends more time fiddling with his tiny genitals than he does expressing any concern for your desperate need for attention. It doesn’t help that he’s under the impression Dora the explorer discovered Australia. But when we can’t turn to innocent children for perspective who can we turn to? Celebrities with innocent children in their arms of course.
When I think of giving, I think of celebrities. Clad in loose fitting khaki and soft brimmed hats celebrities touch many people both spiritually and increasingly physically as they offer to carry other people’s babies around the village of third world countries.
They remind us that even they, the pinnacle of God’s superb artisan skills, can mingle with his off cuts. Their time, as precious as their 17th century virgin encrusted watches, is brandied about with utter disregard as they walk around looking concerned while people who have never seen a TV dance joyously at the sight of their canvas covered feet. And it’s not just celebrities either, even Paris Hilton stopped by the Jacaranda Children’s home for orphans in South Africa to help carry kids.
It is through celebrities that we can understand and find solutions for our own flaws. When I first saw Angelina Jolie helping those less advantaged I had a good hard look at myself in the mirror and realised I just didn’t do enough to help in the areas that are important. Realising this I bought a new face cream in an attempt to focus more of my attention on those troubled regions just under the eyes. Then suddenly I started to think about those poor children. Google Maps may be our geographical compass but celebrities are our moral compass. Google Maps may not have ‘street view’ for the places these poor kids come from, possibly because they don’t have houses let alone streets, but celebrities do have street view for our soul.
Some may cry foul saying “Celebrities are hypocritical, they get paid to advertise clothing brands who use child labour while telling us to give to children’s charities” and as true as this is, it shows the humility of celebrities in wearing clothing with such poor workmanship. We can relate to them because they have the same Nike sneakers as we do, the only difference is, we don’t care about charities. And sure brands like Ralph Lauren and Luis Vuitton rely on unwashed, disease festering children who get paid 6 cents an hour to produce their goods but if it wasn’t for them we wouldn’t even be aware of these horrible sweat shops. The only way to highlight such cruelty to children is to have involvement from a popular brand that millions of people love. Do you think we’d care about these kids if they were smelting iron? Do you think a giant Chinese mining company could compete with a charity fashion show organised by Naomi Campbell? We’re talking about events at which even the irony is dressed superbly.
But as much as celebrities like to give to financially and aesthetically impoverished people it is important to recognise when they are going about things the wrong way. At charity fashion shows, celebrities walk the runway with custom handmade clothes for a company whose entire production line is produced by undeveloped children in sweatshops. Wouldn’t it more effective and more adorable if they got the sweatshop kids to walk the runway? It cuts out the middle man and it gives the children a chance to see how shoddy their embroidery skills really are. It’s all about gaining some perspective.
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