Tuesday, August 21, 2012

James Holzier - The Next Big Thing!

However chilling and weird the below example is, I fear it may not be the worst or most desperate attempt at fame that exists. We've all been accepting fame at the shortest and weirdest of talents or notoriety for a while now, and apart from it all dragging us closer to an inevitable cultural black hole that will destroy us all, it gives incentive to the dumb, lazy and talentless. To be honest, I don't know what's weirder from the possum-woman reality star Octomom- her pop single, masturbation video or ads for personal finance. But the below example is probably the most direct path someone has ever attempted in trying to be famous

I first became aware of the story of James Holzier from the website Reddit, a heady mix of cat photos and enormously generous community members. It seems that James has jumped so far ahead of the fame curve, even by-passing reality shows and phone calls of appearances to paparazzi. In example A, James has literally created his own faked paparazzi appearance:

Now you might be thinking, well Sam, maybe your just not up with the latest soon-to-be movie stars? Well, what you learn is that when these numerous online profiles say "James is constantly being talked about", all the celebrity webpage links turn out exactly the same info. And the life of James Holzier, is nothing but dangerous, brave and heartwarming. From the highly credible website Aceshowbiz.com:

"James was born three months too early but managed to live through to the very end after suspended (sic) to life sustain for months"
" There was something about him that radiate (sic) the humbleness within, partly because after being honored to have an international Fan Day in which he was in parallel to top actors likeOrlando Bloom, Johnny Depp, Charlize Theron and David Beckam he still kept his profile low. He said, "I am not better than anyone else. No way at all. Not even close." 

Apart from an amazing trailer to the epic piece of cinema that is "Dreams in the Attic", the internet is made up of two things regarding James Holzier; celeb watch profiles on James, and constant talk of how everyone is talking about James Holzier. 

Are you kidding me? Every producer in Hollywood cries, Of course we know James! He's the next big thing! These seemingly teenage English girls are right on the money!

From what I can gather, Holzier has attempted to force the internet to beleive he's famous by...telling everyone he's famous. Numerous and anonymous articles, celeb watch sites and fan videos sing his praises of the most highest regard. Check this list of collected info from a fan page:
And the last thing you need to know about James Holzier?
James Holzier.

The more I dig around, the less I can tell if James has started outsourcing his biography to North Korean journalism students, as the tales of James become wilder, less grammatically correct and verging on military. From a Yahoo article

"Posh UK, voted him one of the hottest rising stars. Hollywood TV had the paparazzi footage of him leaving his hotel room; and legions of sexes are searching all over the net for him."
"He comes from an uplifting background and appears to be a quality individual"

Unfortunately, all this happened around 2005, so it looks like the tactic didn't really work for poor old James. I guess we can all count on being famous the ol' fashioned way- giving birth to numerous humans, sleeping with Flavour Flav or being tanned and young.

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